This topic is personal for me, but important nonetheless.
It’s not that I ever had a drinking problem, or at least what I considered one. But within the past year, there have been a few incidences in concerns to my health that have truly opened my eyes to the way I’ve been treating my body as a whole.
I hadn’t been eating correctly, exercising nearly enough, and by all definitions of the term, was binge-drinking on the weekends. For those of you not familiar with this term:
I wasn’t pounding 4 drinks within a 2 hour period; but could easily down 6 drinks, if not more, in one night. To me, this spoke volumes. I have never liked drunk Nikki. Nothing about her is cute. She’s loud, obnoxious, and says stupid shit. I hated waking up every morning, riddled with anxiety, wondering what I did or said that might have affected the people I was around. I’m a mom now, I’m in my thirties, it was time to make some adjustments.
There was no ‘rock bottom’ or crazy incident that spurred this. I genuinely enjoyed drinking. Until I didn’t. It’s been heavy on my mind for a few months now as I’ve gradually tapered down. I’ve thought long and hard about this decision, and would be lying if I said that it was an easy one to make.
It came down to one simple conclusion – I like who I am sober. I’m a better mom, friend, girlfriend, and daughter. Alcoholism runs deep within my family. Both my mother, her mother, and her brother were/are alcoholics. I am not doing myself any favors by potentially continuing the vicious cycle.
I am always advising other moms to extend themselves grace and allow room in their hearts for honesty. If I am intentionally choosing not to follow my own advice, then what am I representing? The ‘no holds barred’ mantra is why Charlie takes Phoenix even exists in the first place. It’s a space where iffy conversations, much like this one, are not only encouraged, but necessary for change.
I wasn’t sure if I was ready to talk about this out loud. In the end, the fact that I had reservations is actually what swayed me. I don’t want alcohol to turn into a crutch; something that I lean on for support when life deals me in. It becomes far too easy for me to internalize when I can silence my emotions with another drink.
Think about what internal battles you have yet to share with others. Maybe consider opening a dialogue – see who you can inspire with your story. There’s something to be said about strength in numbers.
Cheers, gals! The next round of sparkling cider is on me 😉
If this resonates with you, but you’re still 50/50 on your decision, read this. It helped me realize all of the positive benefits of quitting.