An ode to your greatness

Hi ladies! This week has been a rough one, to say the least. Stressful wouldn’t even begin to put it accurately into words – but wine helps.

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It was weighing heavy on my heart to instill some 'woosah' if you will, with other amazing women that may need the occasional pep-talk like I do, specifically on days like today. The kind where you put a different shoe on each foot, and leave the coffee thermos on top of the car as you hurry to work, or to run around town like a chicken without a head.

I wanted to gently remind you of a few key things, maybe while you’re cooking dinner and downing the 3rd cup of now cold coffee you meant to get to hours ago when it was still satisfying, or in between calls full of people telling you what an incompetent moron you are.

  • If you need the extra 5 minutes to “pee” today, go for it. read an interesting article, get through that ridiculous level of Candy Crush you just can’t seem to conquer, and have almost thrown your phone out the window for. Hell, contemplate your marriage and the reason why you thought it was a good idea to have kids, as they claw their way under the crack of the door. Whatever extra 30 seconds you can grab to do so, SEIZE IT.
  • Let caffeine win. If you are beating yourself up over the wasted calories you spent on your 2nd Venti caramel macchiato before it was even noon; let it go, Elsa. If you decided 4 coca cola’s in that it was really just a 5 soda kind of day, by all means. and if anyone decides to make a comment about it, I highly recommend you tell them to eat a bowl of dicks.
  • Did you hear a few favorite back to back songs on the radio while you were on your way home to cook dinner? Were you really feeling yourself, and the amazing dance moves you have in the car? It’s totally a sign. Take that back route home that we all know about, but never get to enjoy. JAM OUT WITH YOUR CLAM OUT, GIRL. Get turnt, as the kids say. That raw meatloaf will still be at home, untouched, waiting for your culinary expertise, as soon as you get around to it.
  • Wine? at 3pm? on a weekday? Yes, and if anyone has anything to say about it, they can file a complaint with absolutely no one, because you're the boss, and you make the rules, damn it. You don’t need negative people like that in your life, anyway.
  • Did you feel like putting on makeup today? Me either. Some days, you’re lucky if you find me properly dressed, and not dragging my right leg behind me into work with my sweats still halfway on, and spit-up down my back. I don’t get paid an hourly wage to have to smear circus gunk on my face every day of my life. If I want to go rock my PowerPoint presentation full of pie-charts, or charts about pies, without my eyeliner on; I’m pretty sure it will still be bad ass, and bonus: I won’t have to go home, scrub my face raw, and waste precious moments of my ‘me’ time, better spent grabbing that extra glass of wine or lying in bed motionless, processing how the hell I get through days like today.
  • Don’t feel like cooking dinner? Great, don’t. Your clean eating and raw vegan diets will be there waiting for you tomorrow. Eat the processed bag of chips. Buy the extra-large, bacon wrapped, deep-fried, cheese stuffed pizza you know you’ve literally been eyeing for two months straight. You earned it.
  • Did you know that remote cardio is a thing? Look into it. 400 channels can take a while to get through, so don’t you tell me you can’t burn sufficient calories by channel surfing. 1 channel bump = 1 calorie.
  • Cry at the video of the penguin born without his left foot, who ends up getting a replacement one, and is adopted by a blue whale named Boris; that takes it lovingly under its orca wing and nurses it back to health. Those Facebook videos are literally the essence of life – and if your husband/significant other is watching with you, and doesn’t cry, or proceeds to laugh at you during said crying; give them a solid purple nurple. nothing creative there. Just do it. Because, really, who doesn’t have ALL the feels over a penguin with a bum foot, coasting through life with a whale companion to a Sarah McLachlan intro.
  • Already ate 2 snickers, 3 slices of ice cream cake, and a donut today? Yeah, I feel you. however, if you have been reading up until this point i think you know where I’m going with this. Let’s just say no one is watching you grab that bag of chocolate chips in the back of the fridge, or judging you for that Oreo filling smeared on your cheek that you're saving for later. Let’s move on.
  • Spend an extra 5 minutes tonight doing something that makes you genuinely happy. I mean, head over heels, soul melting, I could cry I haven’t gotten to do this in months, happy. And don’t let anything distract you from it. But don’t let anyone die, either. I mean, I’m not advising you to continue on if your kid is literally climbing the dresser, or your husband/significant other has a questionable woman over for wine and appetizers in the other room, thinking you can’t still come take care of that Becky with the good hair. But try your damnedest.

Most importantly; don’t question your worth because a client had you up in arms about something petty that you had no control over. Don’t doubt your abilities as a mother, father, friend, sibling, colleague, or otherwise. You’re absolutely killing it with that workload, parenthood, and agenda. People are always going to have something to say, someone to prey on. Sit comfortably in your own skin, knowing you’re doing the best that you can with the cards that you’re dealt. I bet you someone glanced over at you today and wished so badly that they had what you did. Seriously. It’s hard to believe sometimes, but our mediocre is someone else’s extraordinary. You did great, you do great, and you are great. Whatever you need, whoever you are, just make sure you take the time to do you, eat that 5th and “final” chocolate chip cooker, and the rest will fall into place on its own.

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